Laughing

Lately, people have been so dramatic. But instead of letting their drama get into my life and letting it make me angry at someone who did something to them, but not to me, I laugh. It's strange, but ever since I've been thinking about turning 16 in May, I've been becoming less and less excited. It seems like when you're 15, you can easily say "No" to a guy that asks you out because you automatically have the "I can't date till I'm 16" thing. But in a matter of months I'm not going to be 15 anymore! And I'm not all that excited to date anymore. I want to drive really badly, but dating isn't up on my list of priorities anymore. I'm a little afraid of turning 16 because suddenly it seems like you're really growing up. You have so much more freedom, but so much more responsibility. It's a scary thought for me.

Anyways, where I'm going with this rant is that honestly, 10 years from now, will it matter who you dated in High School? I know with some people it does matter, because there sometimes are such things as "High School Sweethearts" but that seems kind of weird to me. I want to marry someone who's already been on their mission. And I am definitely not waiting for anyone to get off their mission. I know from seeing it happen myself that sometimes waiting for two years doesn't work out, and I don't want to put myself in that position. 

Again, where I'm going with this rant is the question:

Will it matter in 10 years? Will it matter who you liked? Will it matter what that cute boy said to you with that charming smile of his that made you think "I love him"? But then of course you immediately shook that thought out of your mind because you're 15 years old, come on. Will it matter in 10 years which ridiculous pants that girl you were gossiping about was wearing? 

Sure, during my Freshman year when I was 14 and still a little on the immature side, I thought "I really love him. I do. And I could wait for him to get off his mission and we'll go to the same college and we'll get married." I thought stupid things like that. But I've learned that things just do not work like that. I even asked my oldest sister, Amanda, if she ever thought she was in love when she was my age. She did. So I'm not the only one. Now that I think of it, I'm glad I've gotten past that phase. I know I'm not in love with anyone...and I never was. I'm glad I've stopped thinking about dating boys for a while. It's kind of refreshing, to look back and realize how idiotic they all are. 

So, instead of reincarnating my stupid 14-year-old Freshman self and saying I'm in love with that guy with the "beautiful brown eyes that light up when he sees me" or the guy with the "smile that can always make me smile back", I laugh. I laugh at the people who were just like me. I don't laugh at them in a mean way, but more in a way that I laughed at myself and they'll laugh at themselves when they get a reality check.

Ha ha.

Not sure of anything

These past few weeks I've been thinking a lot, mainly because I haven't had anything else to entertain myself. I was in the car when I heard "100 Years" by Five For Fighting. That used to be one of my favorite songs...but that's one of the songs Mallory and I used for the slideshow that was used at Grandma Mattson's funeral. Ever since then, the song has been kind of ruined for me and I try to avoid listening to it at all costs. I've been thinking a lot about her ever since then, and I really miss her.

Another person I've been thinking a lot about lately, is Rebekah. I don't really know why, but just being around Sam sometimes makes me think about her, and wonder how different it'd be if she were here. I know I didn't really know her, but for some reason Bekah had a huge impact on my life, and I can't wait to meet her.

Being home alone so much lately has been taking it's toll on me. Sometimes I just get really sad when I think about Hannah. It's so different being the only kid left at home. I know I should be used to being alone after school by now, because I used to do it all the time, even when Hannah was here. But it's just the fact that she's not coming home with Dad anymore. This week--being finals week--has been particularly hard, because it's really different not to have Hannah here to help me study, or just to talk to when I'm worried about how I'll do on a final. It's kind of been a depressing few weeks, what with all this thinking, but I'm sure I'll be fine eventually.

Not so great

I haven't been feeling too great lately...just with friends and drama and all the stress that comes with being a "socialite" in high school. I'm really nervous about all my exams, and believe it or not, I'm studying like crazy. Some of my friends are being really dramatic about all this stupid stuff that won't matter when we're in college. And I woke up this morning not feeling good, physically. I'm afraid I'm going to get super sick for exams, but I'm guessing it's probably just nerves. So I just hope I'll make it through this week with good grades, because I really need them. It's weeks like these that make me wish I was already in college.

A game to make you think...

Today in health, we played a game. It doesn't really have a name, but it wasn't exactly fun. It was really hard. First, he had us split our paper into 8 pieces, and on each slip, we had to write one thing that was important to us. Now at least one thing had to be an object, one had to be a person, and one had to be an idea. He gave money as an example of an idea. So then he had us take the thing that was least important to us, look at it, and think about it. Then we had to rip it up, and put it in the corner of the desk. This continued to happen until we only had one left. And that last one was the one thing we got to keep. This was a really hard game for me to play, and it really made me think. This was my list of things (not in order of when I ripped them, that I'm keeping to myself):

• My Cell phone
• Shannon
  
• Money (I didn't know what else to do, so I just used this for my idea)
• Mom
• Dad
• Trevor
• Amanda
• Hannah

This game was really sucky because I had at least 4 more I wanted to add including Jamie, Kendra, Sam and Andee. It was really not fun to do this. I don't suggest playing this game unless you can expect the unexpected. If you kept someone as your last card, you can never expect them to keep you. My teacher said that he knew right when he started that his wife would be his last card, but the dilemma for him was which order to get rid of his daughters.

To say the least, this game wasn't awesome.